2014 Keepers and Top Available Players

I hope you all are excited as I am for the draft! It's less than a week away and I can already feel the Dave butt slaps, Lynn's mocking comments, Mac's utter confusion, Sean's visions of women that may or may not be present, and of course Dr. Terps and his musk of bourbon and Old Spice.

So to get you prepped and ready I have provided a list of everyone's keepers, and below that a list of the top available players so that you can get a feel for who to target with your first few picks.

2014 KEEPERS

Jason: Drew Breezy, Gio Bernard, Orange Julius

Nick: Matt Staff, Dougie Martin, Alshon

Dave: Tampa Bay QB 1, Ben Tater, AJ 

Sean: Phil Rivers, Felicia Rashad Jennings, DJAx

Phil: Wacco for Flacco, Alfie, Frenchie Garcon

Diesel: Sammy Bradford, Jamaal Chuck, Ginger Jimmy

Dr T/Packy: Here's My Number Call Me Brady, SJax, VJax

Lynn: Robert Oswald Rutherford Griffin the Third, TRich, CordPats

Travis: All Russell Wilson Everything, All Day, Some Guy Cutler Likes to Throw to...A Lot

Josh: Cam "Pinnacle" Newton, Zac Attack Stacy, Torrey "4th Year Keeper!?" Smith

Chris: Neckbeard, The Veon Bell, Jules Hones

Mac: Homo, CJ0K, Dezzy B

B-Hall: Matty Ice, Andre 3000, Josh "Second-Hand Smoke" Gordon

Rocco: BabyFace Foles, Not My Forte, Hot Roddy 

Jim: Big Ben, Skittles, Some Guy Peyton Likes to Throw To...A Lot

Matt(New Guy): Ginger Andy, Shady, Fitz

TOP AVAILABLE PLAYERS

QB

Peyton Manning

Aaron Rodgers

Colin Kaepernick

Jay Cutler

Eli Manning

Carson Palmer

Ryan Tannehill

Johnny Manziel

Alex Smith

EJ Manuel

RB

Eddie Lacy

Arian Foster

DeMarco Murray

Montee Ball

Reggie Bush

Ryan Matthews

CJ Spiller

Frank Gore

Toby Gerhart

Ray Rice

Joique Bell

Shane Vereen

Stevan Ridley

Bishop Sankey

Pierre Thomas

MJD

Fred Jackson

Darren Sproles

DeAngelo Williams

WR

Calvin Johnson

Jordy Nelson

Antonio Brown

Randall Cobb

Andre Johnson

Keenan Allen

Victor Cruz

Wes Welker

Percy Harvin

Michael Crabtree

Michael Floyd

Julian Edelman

Jeremy Maclin

TY Hilton

Reggie Wayne

Marques Closton

Emmanuel Sanders

TE

Rob Gronkowski

Vernon Davis

Jason Witten

Jordan Cameron

Greg Olsen

Dennis Pitta

Kyle Rudolph

Jordan Reed

Martellus Bennett

2013 Draft Pictures: Part 2: "Group Picture Time!"

The Chewbacca Division
Travis is really happy to have his hands on the trophy
Chris is really happy to have his hand in his pants
Josh is demonstrating his hand-job skills
Mac is impressed

Leave it to B-Hall Division
Jim and Rocco are happy they bought Croakies otherwise their glasses would have fallen off by now
Lynn is silently mocking them, saying in his head, "That was soo 1996"
B-Hall is too busy fuming at me for originally  naming the division B-Hall's Black Hole

Clan Elkins
Phil appropriately wore a NFL jersey to the draft
Packy wore a Belmont shirt, who do not play in the NFL
Diesel wore a Durham Bulls shirt, who do not play football.
Dr. Terps wore a polo shirt, but he looked damn good doing it, so he is excused. 

Four Guys One Cup
Sean and Nick are happy to be feeding Dave.
I am REALLY happy to be feeding Dave.
Dave is wishing we were feeding him something else as he kneals before us.
Oh, and somebody's disembodied hand was also there. 

After finishing demonstrating his HJ skills Josh moved on to demonstrating how good he is at pointing at things. Josh is so damn quick and awesome at this that Phil's camera couldn't quite capture him in motion. 

Phil's camera also couldn't quite capture just how awesome Rocco is at whistling. In this picture, he has just finished whistling the theme to The Golden Girls in the key of C. It was amazing. 

Leave it To Chewie Conference
Why is Lynn the only one on the mantle?
Why is B-Hall facing the wrong direction?
Why is Travis so damn small?

The Elkins Cup Conference
What happened to Dave's body?
Why is Phil spooning Sean?
Why is Packy scared to touch a black man?

The White Knight Fantasy Football League...and our mascot, the giant white "Image Unavailable Sign"

You know what I think about your stupid league?

Lazarus is giving the ceremonial jacket to nobody. Which officially retired the old crushed velvet Schlereth jacket. 

Travis is presenting himself with the Chewbacca trophy. He is also holding up three fingers to let you know how many women he has given genital warts. 

Lynn receiving the traditional inanimate object that marks the winner of Clan Elkins. This year's object was a bottle of Pinnacle Whipped Cherry Vodka. (If you liked the Cherry Whipped Flavor try Pinnacle's newest flavors: BBQ Ranch, Lime-A-Rita, and Broken Dreams.)

Travis presenting the new and improved loser trophy to Dave. His choice for the first ever loser drink? Mike's Hard Lemonade Lite. Otherwise known as Mike's "Semi-Erect" Lemonade.

It would be too easy for me to Photoshop a penis into this picture. 

It would be WAYYY too easy for me to Photoshop a penis into this picture.

Ahhh the walk of shame after male-on-male bukkakes is just adorable

My youngest brother handing the championship to my middle brother. This year he will then pass it on to his oldest brother. Sensing a trend? Will anyone be able break the Hepler cycle? Maybe, but probably not B-Hall. 

Your 2012 White Knight Champion

Coming Soon: Part 3- The Draft!!