But Jason, what exactly are these fantasy ownership tiers that you speak of? Glad you asked, voice inside my head. The fantasy ownership tiers or FOT, are a breakdown of the different levels of commitment shown by the 11 fantasy owners in The White Knight Fantasy League.
"11 owners and 1 overweight wizard"
THIS IS NOT a power ranking of any sort, nor does this speak for who has the better fantasy team, or who is the better overall fantasy player. It is simply a ranking of your individual commitment levels to the bastion of sports greatness that is fantasy football.
If you are ranked lower in the tiers than you think you deserve, have no fear, the tiers are more flexible than a Vegas stripper reaching for a fifty.
All you have to do in order to move up is try a little harder with your fantasy team. But how do I do this, this try harder thing you speak of? DAMMIT voice inside my head, I'm trying to write a worthless fantasy article that, maybe at best, 11 people will read, so stop interrupting me.... Okay fine, I'll tell you how you can try harder. You know voice inside my head, you're not even in the fantasy league, I don't even know why you care. I've been granted co-ownership of B-Hall's team. Ohhhhh, well that explains a lot, especially the whole Chaz Chillens thing.
"This is Michael Gay, the vice president of the Greater Cleveland Chamber of Commerce. Michael has absolutely nothing to do with our fantasy football league, but here he is nonetheless...... Also, he was the fifth image result for, "Brian Hall is gay." "
A truly dedicated fantasy football owner:
-Sets his lineup every Sunday
-Sets his lime-up any Monday
-Combs the waiver wire
-Combs the desert (They ain't found shit)
-Initiates trades
-Initiates oral
-Knows who Matthew Berry is
-Knows the gestation period of an elephant
Okay, now that you know the requirements, let's break down the tiers.
"The official White Knight FOT logo. Do you love it!?!?"
Jason - Clearly
Lazarus - Every hero needs an arch-villain
Travis - He's got the fantasy football DNA
Chris - Is afraid of what his parents would think if he brought fantasy football home for Thanksgiving
Josh - Too stoned for Tier 1
B-Hall - Too drunk for Tier 1
Murphy - Lost a month of fantasy football prep this offseason, because TBS doesn't have a fantasy football show.
Diesel - Made 10 of 14 3-pointers in his YMCA basketball game last night. So right now, fantasy football doesn't matter much to him.
Phil - Says he can also make 10 of 14 3-pointers, @ the top of the key, with nobody guarding him. I got 10 bucks that says he can't, What do you think? Vote in the poll on the fantasy football page.
Dave - Master of his own domain
Lynn - New Guy
Mike Honea - New Guy. OK, I don't like that there's two Mike's and one doesn't have a nickname. This has to be resolved. Hmmmmm, what should we call him???? Well let's see what old google image search has to say....okay I typed in "Mike Honea isn't a donkey" into Google image and this is what I got.
"...Grapefruits!!! Well that wasn't at all what I was expecting. Grapefruits is a terrible nickname, that won't do one bit. Hmmmm let's try "Mike Honea eats Jello pudding," and see what we get...... "
"...Lionel Richie Coloring Book!!! Okay, so maybe typing random phrases with Mike Honea in them isn't the best way to give someone a nickname. So why don't you guys think of one, leave it for me in the comments, and I'll pick the best. Otherwise we're stuck with Lionel Richie Coloring Book."
Enough with the rambling, it's time to end this thang. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and remember to vote in the poll, and leave a nickname for Mike Honea in the comments. Power Rankings out soon!!!!
Go to bed. BYE,
The Commish
While I find the Grapefruits nickname both funny and awesome, I will give you guys some nicknames that I have been bestowed in the past. Colonblow, Mi-so (because when you say Honea like an asian it kinda sounds like horny), Uterus, M.C. Honea, Asshole, Dickhole, Assbag, Canoe Full of Douches (some of you might be beginning to understand that I'm not nessecarily a nice person), and a personal favorite of mine... hey yo white boy.
ReplyDelete-Michael Honea
My vote is for "Lionel Richie Coloring Book" just so every time jason does his blog he has to type "Lionel Richie Coloring Book" instead of mike. But out of Lionel Richie Coloring Book's ideas i would vote for hey yo white boy.
ReplyDeleteI think I like canoe full of douches. But still not sure if it's better than LRCB. Yeah that's right Josh, you forgot about acronyms beeyatch.
ReplyDeleteGuys his new nickname is stach
ReplyDelete"Stache" sucks as a nickname. #1: The spelling is confusing, it looks like the -che sound should be pronounced. #2: The moustache itself has far better nicknames: lip tickler, cookie duster, soup strainer, face fungus, etc. #3: It's still no better than Lionel Richie Coloring Book because the nickname stache is implied due to Richie's awesome 70's sea captain cookie duster mounted above his lip.
ReplyDeleteActually Jason, "Stach" is Travis's new nickname for me in refrence to a long standing joke that I check out underage girls. So, "Stach" as in Statutory. While I do not approve of this nickname, I feel it is only right that you be correctly informed.
ReplyDeleteGents -
ReplyDeleteRegarding nicknames I'm with you on Colored Lionel Richie. (Is that racist? Is that wrong?)
In other news: I agree with your assessment of my fantasy commitment level. I don't necessarily intend to improve upon that. But I did love the steps necessary to improve that you provided.
"Lime-up any Monday?" I'm on it.
If Mike Murphy goes by Murphy then why must we insist on finding a nickname for Mike Honea? My vote is obviously for Miso but regardless... if another Jason joined the league what would we call you? Bubbles? And stop wishing I was gay and looking up images of what it would look like if I was gay on Google and whacking off to it! If I was gay I wouldn't fuck you anyway. A threesome with Dave and Chuck Norris, IMMEDIATELY!!
ReplyDelete