NEW TITLES...and payouts!

In an effort to dole out even more cash in the league(and also to let Dave actually have a chance at winning any money ever) I'm proposing two completely new and radical payout positions.

They are:

THE DOMINATRIX

The Dominatrix is the team with the highest week point total for the season. So in other words, the one person who shoved his fantasy dildo farther up the ass of some un-lucky loser that had the misfortune of playing him that week. 

The current Dominatrix is Nick Lazarus with 158 points in Week 5. The current holder of the Dominatrix title will be posted each week on the sidebar along with every other money race. This title might change every week, or someone could hold it for weeks on end. The Dominatrix race ends with the regular season finale in Week 14.

THE LUCKY LOSER

The Lucky Loser will go to the owner with the most points scored against them at the end of the regular season. They get some money to help pay for the surgery to get their ruptured a-hole rebuilt after getting so thoroughly boinked it in all season long. 

The current Lucky Loser is Dave with 608 points against. Dave is completely terrible this year and has absolutely no chance of winning anything or making the playoffs, so now he at least has some arbitrary title to root for and the money that comes along with it. The race for the Lucky Loser standings will be posted each week on the sidebar along with every other money race. The Lucky loser race ends with the regular season finale in Week 14.

For now, this  is going to be league law. If anybody has a major problem with this please reply in the comments section with your gripes and I may or may not listen to you, because I'm not COMPLETELY a dictator. 

-The Commish

Week 4 Fun Facts!!

Through 4 weeks here are some wacky statistical observations: 

-Thru Week 4 there are no undefeated teams

-Thru Week 4 B-Hall still hasn't shaved his testicles (He says it's lucky, I say it's poor hygiene)

-The top 8 teams in the Points Standings (Excluding Travis) are 12-17.

-The bottom 8 teams in the Points Standings (Excluding Dave) are 17-11

-Chris is still arguing with me that head-to head wins matter in fantasy football.

-My foot is still arguing with Chris's ass over this exact same point.

-2nd round draft picks Mariota(w/ a bye), Freeman, Alex Smith, and Crab Legs combined points: 280

-All 14 other 2nd round draft picks combined points: 225

-...and Laz only had to sell one of his kidneys to make Devonta Freeman worth a damn.

-Dave is the only 0-4 team in the White Knight fantasy football league

-Dave is the only 4-0 team in the STD league (The Clap, The Herp, The Gon, Super-AIDS)